He doesn't trust me, since I lied when we'd been together for six months. I lied about a past friendship with benefits, from way before I met him. I knew he was jealous, that's why I lied. Then he started asking more about my past. I had learnt my lesson, so I was now honest, however, he disliked my past because I made out with a couple of starngers. He trusted me less after that. He was always kind of paranoid. but I thought he loved me, he was always so sweet and loving, protective. And passionate. And we shared so much in common...

But this classmate of mine, he's a guy, and has a best pal who's a girl. The three of us hang out at uni. We work together on projects. And sometimes he calls me asking about college stuff. Sometimes I have to call him because of projects and the like. This made my boyfriend think we were having an affair. He accused me of cheating, for a few phone calls he witnessed (sometimes he'd call when I was with my boyfriend). it was always about college stuff, but my boyfriend thinks he called me more when I was alone, and that i deleted those calls from my cell.

I would never cheat on anyone, especially with my classmate he's just not my type. But my boyfriend, pardon, ex boyfriend doesn't believe me and called me the most horrible names.

This hurts so much because I'm honest, I never lied after what happened when we'd been together for six months. I was always careful about doing things that wouldn't make him uncomfortable. I was always kind and loving, I was always there for him. I loved him completely. But it didn't matter to him, he believes I fooled him and cheated on hiim.

He's been cheated on before, but that's not my problem... I was a good girlfriend, and I love him, I want to be with him so much and I also forgave all of the other times he's treated me like shit. Why am I such a fool? Why can't I stop loving him? And why, if I'm a good person, do I deserve this?

but people will never learn

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when god gives you lemons you FIND A NEW GOD

My opinion on your situation (which may not be any better than theirs)..is this:

You obviously love this guy very much, and have for a long time. I am sure you have been through a lot together, and it shows that it meant something to the two of you for it having lasted those two years. However, disregard the time factor, disregard all the cute things he has done for you..and focus on how he is treating you at this very moment.  

You didn't do anything wrong. It makes me a little sick when I read this, because I see that you are suffering for no cause. He should trust you, and that lack of trust is a serious problem. It shouldn't matter that he had a poor past with his relationships, you are You--you are someone new and different, and he should never hold his own past and other people's poor choices against you. You are a good person, despite what you, he, or others might think and say.  

Truth and honesty is definitely important--but what you did in your past, is your past, and he should not hold that against you either. Everyone makes stupid choices and mistakes in their lives. I am certain he is no saint. We all have some flaw, some weakness, and many people don't even open up about them, there are likely things he would never share with anyone that he doesn't even think twice about.

You having a male friend, who you speak with on the telephone is not wrong. It is completely normal, and actually healthy behavior. People should have a mix of both male and female friends. The more we limit our significant other from normal activities, the more problems that arise. If you restrict someone from living a normal life, and having friends, it's expected that they will become sad, maybe even a little rebellious. It's similar to the relationship teens have with their parents. Some parents restrict their children from doing so many things--that the child rebels and does a ton of horrible things and gets involved with bad people and activities.

Your (ex) boyfriend is being immature and foolish. He is throwing something beautiful away all because of his own insecurities. He is too jealous, too paranoid, and that is not something you want in a relationship. If anyone has done something wrong here--it is him. You need to be with someone who can trust you and your choices. You should never try to make someone happy at the expense of your own happiness and sanity. You need to be strong, and recognize that as painful as this is...you will get through it. As much as it feels that you love and Need this guy, Want this guy, and want someone to be there with you and for you...this will be good for you. It will be healing in a sense. It will give you insight on what you want in a relationship and what you don't want. I would hope that you will take a step back from this guy if you already haven't....

Give him some space, some time, and take this time to do something nice for yourself. Do not become too fixated on his feelings and current situation. It will be difficult, but this time alone will make you stronger, and will hopefully make him realize that he made a very poor decision. You are a good person, never doubt that. For future situations, just remember to be straight forward and to the point so they know you, know what to expect...but also, never feel obligated to tell someone Everything of your past. Some things are meant to stay in the past, not meant to haunt you for eternity.  

If you need help or someone to talk to, please message me. I don't even know if I got to say everything I had hoped to here, but good luck, and stay strong.

Post edited at 10:34 pm on Sep. 7, 2008 by letter 5

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Hate is like acid; It destroys the object on which it is poured and the vessel in which it is stored.